“Mornin’ Perry,” said Dud, taking his seat next to the tray full of fang-fixing stuff.

“May the blessings of the mornin’ be upon ya, Dud,” said Dr. O’Dontal, our former actor turned dentist. “You appear blessed by life and radiant in your demeanor today.”

Yes. He talks like that.

Perry O’Dontal worked his way through dental school “treading the boards,” and especially enjoyed his stint doing Shakespeare’s plays. Getting one’s teeth cleaned can turn out to be quite entertaining. One of the problems, however, is that we can’t really ask him questions about this fascinating part of his life because he always has things in our mouths when we’re with him. But Perry does seem to be able to understand more than we give him credit for.

“Little scrape right here … Dud. That’s better.”

Dud closed his mouth on the mouth sucker and marveled at its abilities.

“Hast thou taken up thy pen to rail once more against human ignorance?”

“Hunhna –hi?”

“Still writing that book?”

Dud was able to nod without moving his mouth.

“’Tis a tale, I’m told, about royalty and a knight of the eighteen wheelers.”

“Rurh- ach lohg a forth.”

“That’s what I heard. Duchess and the truck driver, right?”

“Mmmurh fur a thog key both iams.”

“Murder in the Soggy Bottoms? Sounds, forsooth … well … more like a diaper changer than a bodice ripper, Dudley.”

Dud nodded. “Wah-nih…frem.”

“I understand. These things take time. But cheer up! When the Bard was your age, he didn’t even have a computer!”

The entertainment is free at O’Dontal Dental.