The kids are all right

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Dear Grandparenting: I don’t know what to say about my daughter, Megan, except I hardly understand her anymore. Megan is moving way too fast and I don’t think she has a clue about life.

First she ups and marries this guy, Nate, when she was just 16. No one could ever figure out how Nate made any money. They immediately had two children born 11 months apart. I used to stay real involved in their lives because these are my first and maybe my only grandchildren.

Then Megan decided to come out of the closet on my youngest grandchild’s first birthday. I will never forgive Megan her for ruining that day forever in my memory. Nate is nowhere to be found, and I hope my daughter is happy now. We don’t talk much anymore.

The last time I checked, Megan was intending to marry her girlfriend. They live somewhere in New Jersey where gay marriage is legal. Will this ruin any chance my grandchildren have to live some kind of normal life? Peaches Malone, Battle Creek, Michigan

Dear Peaches: Situations like this naturally arouse the suspicions of grandparents accustomed to more traditional family structures. Since same-sex marriages are a fairly recent development, who knows what happens to children living in such households?

Will the children have sexual identity issues or be at greater risk to encounter emotional or psychological difficulties and act out? Or will they experience social blowback and be teased or bullied by their peers?

States began legalizing same-sex unions after a 2013 Supreme Court ruling that married same-sex couples are entitled to federal benefits. As more couples either marry or emerge from secrecy, a clearer picture is coming into focus, based on a growing body of research. Instead of harming the wellbeing and development of grandchildren, the young ones have shown “resilience with regard to social, psychological and sexual health despite economic and legal disparities and social stigma,” according to a Tufts University report. In other words, the kids are all right.

And while support for that position isn’t unanimous, it has been endorsed by heavyweights like the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and leading professionals in the field. The greater harm, they maintain, extends to children in unmarried same-sex unions.

So maybe we can worry a little less about the sexual orientation of a grandchild’s parents. When things go south, experts say it’s usually attributable to the quality of children’s relationships to their parents, their parents’ competence and sense of security and social and economic support for the family unit.

GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK

Monty from The Villages, Florida, weighed in with his “grandparenting philosophy.”

There are “two gifts we should give our grandchildren,” he asserts. “One is roots, and the other is wings.”

http://www.sidneydailynews.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/47/2017/08/Tom-and-Dee-byline-1.pdf

By Tom and Dee and Cousin Key

Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.

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