Dear Grandparenting: I’m writing because my mother likes your column. She is the grandmother of my two children, and she needs help. Here’s hoping you can make a difference. I’m getting nowhere with her.
Mom was doing fine until Dad died four years ago. She never had any money sense because Dad handled everything. Mom took out some home equity loans and frittered money away on expensive things she didn’t need. Then she started taking trips and vacations with other widows trying to find new friends.
Those ladies must have been heavy boozers because Mom was getting into the sauce long before dinner. One thing led to another, and she wound up having to sell the house.
My children have noticed the change in their grandmother. I can tell by how they look at her, like something is wrong. When I bring it up, Mom swears that she drinks no more or no less than when Dad was alive. What’s my best move? Becky Bell, Everett, WA
Dear Becky: Although our column deals with the substance abuse issues among grandchildren from time to time, a growing body of evidence attests to a worrisome rise in drinking and drugging behaviors plaguing grandparents.
And while alcohol consumption is on the rise across the board according to federal government data, adults 65 and over were found to have the biggest surge of problem drinking. More seniors are self-medicating with illicit and prescription drugs.
Reasons differ but typical risk factors include grief, loneliness and isolation, and financial problems. Grandparents become bored, lose purpose, and take refuge in various medications. With aging comes a decreased ability to metabolize drugs and alcohol, along with increased brain sensitivity to drinking and drugging.
Accustomed to long caring for themselves and others, grandparents can be quick to deny they’ve lost control. Diagnosis can be tricky too, since warning signs of drug and alcohol dependency – memory loss, lethargy, mood swings, becoming disoriented – are part of the normal aging process.
A visit with a trusted professional like her physician may be your best option to help set your mother straight on addiction and dependency. Schedule an appointment and ask to sit in.
Grand remark of the week
Amanda Tilson from Tucson, Arizona, weighed in with her somewhat unorthodox grandparenting technique:
“I keep my cool and give my grandbabies lots of rope when they’re at my place. Who cares if they get a little wild? Like they say in Las Vegas – what happens here, stays here.”
