Dear Grandparenting: I envy families who come together at Thanksgiving and seem to have a wonderful time without breaking a sweat. Mine hasn’t figured that out. Thanksgiving is the hardest holiday and I don’t care what anybody else says. I speak from years of experience. Thanksgiving is supposed to be all about the whole family joining hands and giving thanks for their blessings.

That’s not what happens. Not everybody gets along. Someone usually drinks too much. People get their feelings hurt. I can count on someone showing up with dietary restrictions who needs a special meal and makes a production out of preparing whatever it is they are eating this month. Last year my niece started an argument when she made a big deal about how free-range turkeys tasted best.

You can tell that I’m already worked up and Thanksgiving isn’t even here yet. I am extra nervous because I’m the hostess this year and all 11 of my grandchildren are coming. It will be just the second time they are all together. It’s hard enough to keep the adults in line. How in the world do I handle my grandchildren? I don’t want them running around going crazy and causing a disturbance. My house is big enough but I cannot keep an eye on everyone. Your brilliant or semi-brilliant ideas would be most welcome. Bell, Waynesboro, Pennsylvania.

Dear Bell: For a major family production like your Thanksgiving, you certainly need a plan. The first order of business is to designate some deputies to help you ride herd over your clan. By tasking the mothers of your grandchildren with specific responsibilities, you’ll keep your head above water.

Give your grandchildren a way to be included, within limits. We’d insist all grandchildren be front and center to mingle with relatives for 30-40 minutes before the turkey is served. Provide paper and crayons for youngsters to make place cards for all your dinner guests. Consider renting or borrowing three or four card tables to seat the grandchildren. Divide them into groups of four according to age or interests and set the card tables in an adjoining room, close enough to keep an eye on the grandchildren but not so close they interrupt the more civilized proceedings at the main dinner table. Your other guests will appreciate the grandchildren’s being segregated during mealtime.

Now the final phase of your planning kicks in. Kids don’t want to be trapped after they finish eating. They become restless and whiney. So set them free and give them something to do while the adults linger over their meal. Ask their mothers to bring board games or videos to entertain the munchkins and prevent meltdowns. With your Thanksgiving rolling out so smoothly, don’t forget to count your blessings — all 11 of them.

GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK

Matty from Kingsport, Tennessee, is retired, “but I have a part-time job spoiling my grandkids.”