Dear Grandparenting: Far be it from me to be the expert on whom my granddaughter Stefanie might find attractive, much less want to date. When I was dating, I sure didn’t ask my family’s opinion. My love life was my business only.
It’s old news now that Stephanie finally broke up with her boyfriend, and this time it’s once and for all. She’s out looking for love. There are lots of nice looking grandsons that visit their families in my retirement community. Do you get my drift?
I don’t want Stephanie to think I’m meddling, or make her feel like she’s so pathetic that she needs my help. And I definitely don’t want this to hurt our relationship. We get along pretty good.
Would you leave well enough alone or try to match her up? Shelly York, Columbus, Ohio
Dear Shelly: Family has forever been “meddling” in the affairs of the heart of children and grandchildren, sometimes rather forcibly. Advice and criticisms can fly about freely, and it is common for grandparents to influence dating decisions in certain cultures and ethnicities.
That said, many grandchildren are reluctant to date anyone recommended by older family members. It depends on whether she values your judgment. If she thinks you’re an old fuddy-duddy, she’ll probably turn you down. If your granddaughter trusts you with her likes and dislikes, the odds improve.
Don’t become too invested in a successful outcome. After you offer up your willingness to help, step back and disengage. Don’t press the issue, lest your idea of an arranged date take on the appearance of an arranged marriage. A heart can’t hunt in captivity.
GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK
After Linda Lou, of Waynesboro, Pennsylvania, gave grandson Brian $20 for his birthday, she asked if he had plans to spend it.
Brian, 6, said he would save $10, spend $8 on something he wants and give $2 to little brother Ray.
“How sweet of you to think of Ray,” said Linda.
“I’ve got to,” said Brian. “If I don’t give him something, he messes with what I bought for myself.”
Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.