Dear Grandparenting: I am very involved with a lovely gentleman. We are talking about getting married, and I believe we’re headed to the altar.
Guess where we met? It was at a recreation league soccer game. Each of us was there to cheer on our grandsons playing for opposing teams.
Right then and there it became obvious our grandsons didn’t get along. They scuffled and had to be separated and yelled at each other later in the game.
My daughter thinks it’s all about money. I am not hurting, but my gentleman friend is what you might call well off. My daughter thinks the other grandson sees me as a gold-digger out to grab the loot.
My daughter also thinks I should consider doing some kind of pre-nuptial agreement to keep the peace. But I am not about to start taking marching orders from a kid who needs a haircut and toothbrush in the worst way. What next? Maybe that grandson will insist we spend every other week living apart after we’re married. I’m sure you see my problem. What’s your advice? Harriet Thomas, Los Angeles, California
Dear Harriet: For starters, it’s not just your grandson who is up in arms. We’ll bet he’s acting on conversations he overheard among his older family members. You’re the target.
As the longtime beneficiaries of your gentleman friend’s estate, they have every reason to be alarmed. There he was, wandering aimlessly after his late wife’s death. Then you came along and snatch him up on the rebound. Now there’s talk of marriage. Since women tend to outlive men, you could eventually control the wealth that his family rightly assumed they would inherit. Now you’re dealing with a big problem.
Few things will drive wedges between families like money issues. The best way to prove you are marrying for love is to have an estate lawyer draw up an irrevocable will or trust that insures his biological family receives the bulk of his money, while providing for you comfortably. That should get those two battling grandsons and other family members off the warpath.
GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK
Maya Samuels, from Long Island, New York, tells her grandchildren “the price of admission to Grandma’s house is a big hug and a real big smile.”
Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.