Thursday, Oct. 6 is a date that will live in Federal Trade Commission infamy. On that date, I received seven — seven! — telemarketer calls. A new world’s record. This, despite the fact I was probably the very first person to register all my communication devices on the official FTC Do Not Call list. I registered the home phone, both cell phones, and the fax number then sat back to listen to the glorious silence of phones not ringing. I called back to make sure I was not required to re-register the numbers. I have those people on speed dial, although I am beginning to suspect FTC really stands for Federal Telemarketer Colleagues.

For just a little while it seemed to work. Then the calls started again. Gradually they increased in number. I asked the callers to take me off their list, from which I should have already been removed. I was nice. I was mean. I was sarcastic. I asked to speak to supervisors. What a waste of time.

Knowing a law being broken when I heard it, I called the FTC to report the offenders. I entered all the right numbers when the recorded message told me to. Yes, it was a robocall. It was on a Monday. Of course, I have asked them to stop calling … repeatedly, and with a great deal of emphasis. All these inputs were in response to prompts. There are no real people at the Do Not Call hotline, let me assure you. They are probably too busy answering telemarketers on their own phones to be bothered with our petty problems.

You will be shocked — shocked I tell you — to learn this did absolutely no good. The same outfits called back over and over. I am now utterly convinced the telemarketers are getting their phone numbers directly from the Do Not Call list. And unfortunately they’re getting smarter. They apparently are buying disposable cell phones by the warehouse-full because the number is always different so there is no way to block an offender. They have moved offshore to avoid making the calls from within the U.S. They are changing their technique to stay one step ahead of what should rightfully be extended prison sentences or perhaps beheadings.

What haven’t changed are the messages. I can get my student loan interest rates reduced. This is fabulous news, especially because I paid my student loan off in 1975. My credit card interest rate can be slashed. This is also wonderful because I have never paid a cent in credit card interest fees in my life. But wait! Things are getting more dire than mere money issues. My computer is sending out error messages. “John from Orlando” has graciously called to tell me this. My computer is crying out for help. It is imperative that I give him remote access to my computer so he can fix it. “John from Orlando” has called the wrong girl.

My computer is so passive it would not send out an order for mu shoo pork much less a nationwide plea for assistance. My computer has abetted me in making many many many many mistakes, quite a few of which are in the major boo-boo category. It has never caught itself in even one of these errors and certainly has never sought guidance for redemption. I especially dislike the computer error caller person because he argues with me. A couple of times he has yelled at me before I could hang up. These things do not endear him to me. They do not induce me to give him access to my computer. “John from Orlando” acts like a world-class jerk.

But still I call to report them and still it does no good. Given the number of times I have phoned them, I suppose it is possible the FTC has put me on their own Do Not Call list and has blocked my number.

Some entities are exempt from adhering to the Do Not Call registry. Not for profit organizations can call until your ear falls off. Survey takers are free to call any time. And — oh the surprise — political organizations have free rein to call. And call. And call. Imagine, our law makers made themselves exempt from the law. It’s beautiful in its own warped way.

Our government, which has never seen a problem so big it can’t form a committee to procrastinate addressing, has organized a Robocall Strike Force (I am not making this up) to combat the issue. The first detailed plan of action was to be released on Oct. 19. Let me know how that’s working out for you.