SIDNEY — If he can change the life of one child, then former NBA star Chris Herren knows his purpose in life has been fulfilled. And if he can change the life of one child at each school he speaks at, then his personal battle with addiction has served its purpose.
Herren, who spent Wednesday and Thursday in Shelby County, spoke to seniors from Sidney, Fairlawn, Jackson Center and Lehman during an assembly Thursday morning at Sidney High School. Wednesday afternoon, he talked with seniors from Fort Loramie, Russia, Anna and Botkins during a meeting at Fort Loramie. Wednesday night, his presentation was open to the public and was held at Fort Loramie High School.
“I’m sure you think this talk is about drugs and alcohol,” said Herren. “It’s really a talk about self esteem and self worth.”
Instead of talking about what a person looks like after taking drugs, said Herren, everyone needs to talk about the first day of addiction: why a person takes that first drink of alcohol or tries drugs for the first time.
“This is all about the beginning and not the end,” he said. “If you’re so happy with who you are, then your self esteem is just as high.”
Herren said each person needs to ask themselves why they want or are doing drugs.
“I challenge each of you to forget my story and to think of yours,” said Herren. “Are you the person you want to be? Are you the friend that you want to be.
“The ones (students) who don’t drink or take drugs, you are soldiers. You are absolutely soldiers to me,” said Herren.
A high school basketball star from Fall River, Massachusetts, Herren began drinking and smoking marijuana when he was a freshman in high school. He was 18 and a college freshman at Boston College when he did his first line of cocaine.
Those decisions, said Herren in a documentary shown before his talk, opened doors to drug and alcohol addiction that he couldn’t close for 15 years.
After testing positive for drugs at Boston College, he transferred to Fresno College. He was drafted by the Denver Nuggets and then traded to the Boston Celtics. He also played professional basketball in Italy. And with him during each step of his basketball career was drugs and alcohol.
The turning point in his life was entering rehab when his wife was pregnant with their third child. After receiving permission to be present at the birth, he saw his child being born, he fell off the wagon. After 45 days sober, he went to a liquor store, went home and got high. The next day he went back to the hospital and his wife told him he had to go back into treatment as he couldn’t be around his family in the shape he was in.
“We’ve been married for 18 years,” said Herren. “She’s way tougher than I am. God also plays big role in my life, I have to believe that. I shot heroin for eight years. I overdosed four times. I wasn’t until I fully committed myself to him that I became sober.”
Drug and alcohol free since 2008, Herren has dedicated the last six years of his life speaking to groups throughout the United States about his journey into addiction and his recovery.
“I remember being just like you and I wanted to skip the talk (like this),” said Herren. “I walked in there with an attitude.
“I’ve talked to 4,000 kids. If I can help one kid, it’s worth it,” he said.
Herren shared several stories about students he has connected with during and after his presentations. At the end of each talk, he asks the audience if they have any questions. As he prepared to exiting one talk, a touched his arm and pointed up into the balcony where another girl had her hand up to ask a question.
“I walked toward her and I knew she had more courage and guts than I ever had,” he said. “The dropped her hand” because the students around her were making fun of her. The first girl said ‘see Mr. Herren, it’s not worth asking a question. At the end of the day it’s not worth it.’”
But two months later, said Herren, he received an email from the girl who had raised her hand. She shared her story with him. Her father is an alcoholic who lost his job. Her stay-at-home mom suffered from depression.
“I believe I suffer the most,” the girl wrote to Herren.”For the last four years, I’ve worn the same school clothes every day. I’ve battled being ugly for four years. Why do I have to battle my classmates.”
Those classmates, she wrote, would take Snapchat photos of her and make jokes about her. When she would get home after school, her parents would be in their rooms, so she’d go into to hers.
“I’d go into my room, turn on the music and get out my homework,” the girl wrote. She’d then roll up her sleeves and take a razor blade and cut herself. She cut her arms and her ribs, anyplace that couldn’t be seen.
“But you said you wanted to help one kid,” she wrote. “I had no idea that I was going to be that one kid. After your talk, I went to the cafeteria and sat at the cool kids table. They made fun of me and said I didn’t belong there.
“So I rolled up my sleeves and showed them my scars,” she continued. “I said you don’t know me. It’s not my fault that my dad is a drunk and my mom is depressed. I walk in here everyday embarrassed. I hope it’s helped you by hurting me.
“Since that day,” she wrote. “They haven’t joked or teased me. Some of them have even said they were sorry.”
That first email, said Herren, has led to a friendship between the two.
“She sends me an email every 30 days,” said Herren. “I’ve gotten emails from her for six years. This means more to me than anything I’ve accomplished in my life.”
Herren, who has three children, said he’s often asked how he handle his oldest two children, who are 17 and 15, and what they are doing on Friday and Saturday nights.
He said if a problem did ever happen, he wouldn’t yell at them or punish them. He would walk into their bedroom, hug them and ask they “Why?”
“I would tell them I am going to ask them one question as your father,” said Herren. “I need to know why. Why does my son need to do drugs with friends he’s known since he was 5 years old. Why does he need to drink?
“I’d ask my daughter, why didn’t you think you were good enough being you?” he said. “I go to bed every night thanking God for keeping me sober for 8 1/2 years. I say a prayer for my daughter that she’ll tell me ‘we’ve suffered enough as a family. We’ve been through too much because of this stuff. You don’t have to worry about me tonight. I feel good enough about myself.’
“I pray my kids have that ability,” he said. “I never had that ability (to say no).”
When he was in high school, he said, he remembers going to parties and then trying to sober up enough to go home. The Visine would come out for his eyes and so would the mouthwash.
“I covered up my mistakes because I didn’t want to break my mom’s heart,” said Herren. “She thought I could have fun without it (drugs and alcohol).”
And as he sobered up, he’d look across the basement where the party was held and see other friends who weren’t drinking.
“I see them laughing and joking with a glass of water in their hand,” said Herren. “We can laugh and make fun of them, but they have something special that I’m missing.
“I’m 15 to 16 years old and doing drugs,” he said. “they don’t have to. They’re not willing to risk what their working for. Their parents know who they are. My mom was clueless.”
He said after one of his talks the saddest thing he experiences is getting emails from the students.
“There are kids in here today who are struggling,” said Herren. “Their friends know they are struggling. In the emails, they’ll say they are worried about their friends.”
Herren asked each student to remember the promise they made six years ago to never do drugs.
“What happened to that promise,” he asked. “Isn’t there a time when you feel guilty when you look at your mom?”
Do you have a brother, a sister, a niece or a nephew, he asked the students.
“They look up to you. They brag about you,” he said. “When you look at the kid you are today, do you want your little sister doing what you’re doing? Do you want that little boy to enter the same basement as you do on Friday nights?”
His goal for the talk, he said, was for one student to have the courage he didn’t have when he was starting his addiction to drugs and alcohol.
“When I walked in here today, my goal was for one of you to do what I couldn’t,” said Herren. “If one of you grabs a teacher and says I can’t do this anymore … I want to talk to you about something I need help with … there kids in the auditorium with secrets.”
And if that secret is revealed, then Herren said he has accomplished his goal for the day — helping one student who is going down the wrong path of having a healthy and productive life.
