Dear Grandparenting: We still had our health and our big house in 2006 when our daughter gave us our first grandchild without bothering to get married. That didn’t go over real well, but we got over it. Then we invited her to move in because we felt it was the right thing to do and of course we could help with the child. She liked that arrangement so much that she did it again, so we had two small grandchildren around 24-7.
They say no good deed goes unpunished. Maybe you can see where this is going. But first off, we have nothing bad to say about our grandchildren. Sometimes they were a joy and sometimes a pain, just two little people trying to make sense of the world. We watched them grow and become their own little personalities, and that’s pretty cool.
So yes, we bit off more than we could chew. It just wasn’t working for us anymore. We felt our daughter was taking undue advantage of our hospitality, to put it mildly. The grandkids needed the kind of supervision and stimulation that we were unable (and frankly unwilling) to provide.
We pay for their day care now while their mother works to make rent. It’s nice to have our house back and have our times with the grandchildren in the memory bank. But we wouldn’t do it again and I’m betting you see why. Win or lose? Dakota Hawkins, Lake Stevens, Washington
Dear Dakota: Your letter speaks well for itself, and no doubt reflects the sentiments of grandparents hither and yon. Caring for children can be taxing at any age, but it exacts an even greater physical and emotional toll on grandparents.
Common infirmities of old age — less energy, impaired hearing and vision, cognitive decline, physical ailments — can make it difficult to keep up with small grandchildren. Some research indicates that grandparent caregivers suffer higher rates of depression and high blood pressure than non-caregivers.
About 10 percent of grandparents live with their grandchildren according to the latest U.S. census, and many more pull long shifts as caregivers. When it reaches the point where something has to give, grandparents absolutely deserve a little slack. For too many, there’s no end in sight.
GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK
Ennis Owensby from Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, is not one “to be an observer” where his five grandchildren are concerned.
“They keep me busy,” said Ennis. “I read them books out loud and act out the good parts. Last month we searched for elephants in my back yard. Didn’t find any but we’ll try again.
“We’re planning to build a rocket ship — this month we discussed the interior and exterior color schemes. We like to watch movies in our pajamas with plenty of popcorn. If we get bored, we’ll sit around together inventing pleasurable things. Everyone present gets a turn.
“Here’s my best tip: If they’re crabby I put them in water, inside or outside. Works every time.”
