Dear Grandparenting: Few things burn me up more than seeing my grandchildren talk back and talk trash to my daughter and gutless son-in-law who won’t even stand up to his own kids! So they get away with murder, pure and simple. Things would never have gone this far if I were in charge. I would have hammered them down the very first time they gave me that bad mouth.

But that’s not the way things go in their house. The grandchildren act like they are in charge and are rude. Like when my daughter informed my granddaughter that she could not go hang out with friends, this eight-year-old girl actually screamed back, “I will not permit you to speak to me that way!” Her parents sat there like nothing had happened while I bit my tongue.

That’s not all. Those kids will interrupt and correct their parents. Even worse is when they get “snarky,” as kids say, mocking or aiming biting remarks at their parents. I realize things are different today. Children grow up quicker. Mine are hardly the only ones with this problem. What’s the answer? Alice Sexton, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Dear Alice: On a scale of one to five, disrespect rates a six from most grandparents. But there’s plenty of it going around, certainly more than previous generations, putting more grandparents at risk for bullying and back talk too.

Round up the usual suspects: Poor parenting, the snarky world of social media, a greater emphasis on individual rights, broken families, the harder edge of popular culture and society at large, public educational systems that teach self-empowerment, economic stress and privation, the swarm of anxieties and uncertainties that pervade modern living.

The trick, of course, is to start early and establish the rules. Since it’s essential to model the behaviors you wish to instill, begin by maintaining your composure. Then it’s a straightforward matter of laying down expectations and consequences, and following up on the consequences. Don’t forget to praise politeness. Good manners are the grease that helps society run smoothly.

Grandchildren may not buy into this, but rules and accountability have been shown to promote a sense of greater well-being, according to school psychologists and others who study the problem. The structure provides youth with the security they seek in a world of uncertainty.

GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK

Stella Alonzo, of Tucson, Arizona, has “two favorite sounds” whenever her grandchildren visit.

“My favorite is when the grandkids dissolve into giggles and laugh,” said Stella. “The close runner-up is the sound of deep breathing when they are asleep.”