Dear Grandparenting: I find it difficult to stop myself from unloading on my daughter about how she named my grandchildren. There’s a right way and a wrong way to go about naming children. The right way is to pass along family names, something to connect to all the generations that went before. Old family names are especially pleasing to grandparents. I’m a big stickler for keeping it going by remembering one’s heritage.
My older daughter, Paris, did it right. She gave her boy the first name, Edward, after my father, and her daughter’s middle name is Margaret, which is my much beloved sister’s name. How hard is that? But my youngest daughter wasn’t paying attention. She forgot about our side of the family when the names were passed out. She picked stupid celebrity names instead like Bono. I kid you not. I guess my family just wasn’t good enough. As you can tell, I’m in a real burn over this. Maybe you can give me a fresh dose of perspective? Hot and Bothered, Kingsport, Tennessee
Dear Bothered: We’re more inclined to remain flexible about this business of family names. There’s nothing wrong with honoring one’s ancestry of course, and you seldom get argument from elders who want family names perpetrated. But it seems unrealistic to expect the world to conform to your idea of what’s in a name, much less wish it on their newborns. It’s not your child, and the choice of names isn’t your decision. That’s a parental prerogative and to insist otherwise is asking for trouble. Tread lightly.
A 2012 New Zealand study found that the more unusual the name or harder to pronounce, the more likely that person will be regarded as dangerous or risky. Other studies find that bizarre names can have adverse career consequences. But that hasn’t stopped parents from engaging in an unspoken competition to come up with unique baby names. Bob and Sally are so yesterday — the most popular 2015 names were Noah and Emma, according to BabyCenter. Liam and Olivia were the runners-up. Bob (or Robert) and Sally didn’t crack the top 40.
In your case, the horse is already out of the barn. But don’t despair. You can always use a family name as a special term of endearment for your grandchildren. And should they share your enthusiasm for something else, grandchildren can legally change their given names at some future date.
GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK
“Oldie Goldie” from Sidney, Ohio, wanted to change the subject. Must you keep talking about “scary things like snakes and porcupines,” she asked grandson Davy.
“I just like them. My dad says lots of boys like wildlife,” replied Davy.
Goldie didn’t miss a beat. “Sweetie, you’re about all the wildlife this grandmother can handle.”
