Dear Grandparenting: It doesn’t take much before my grandkids start to get on my nerves. It takes less and less as I get older. I like to see the grandkids to see how they are doing and such. I have tried just about everything to keep them in their place. They are 5, 8 and 9, so you can guess how that goes. It is impossible for them to keep the lid on very long.

Here is my solution. I pay them to be good. For each 30 minutes of peace and quiet, they get another $1 bill. For each disturbance I subtract $1 from what they’ve “earned.” I am the final judge and jury. There is no negotiating. So far so good for the last three visits — $26 dollars is cheap for peace and quiet.

Forget about all this psychological mumbo jumbo people use on grandkids to get them to behave. I buy it. What do you think of that? Bliss Slawinski, New York, New York

Dear Bliss: A bribe by any other name, but don’t we all play that same game in some way, shape or form? Maybe we don’t outright buy their compliance, but we incentivize it, rewarding or punishing youth depending on their behaviors. Life is too short to spend the day putting out little fires that keep erupting as grandchildren bounce off each other like so many atoms.

The difference of course is that you incentivize exclusively instead of preaching the benefits of sharing and mutual cooperation. One problem with monetary rewards is that they must escalate to continue working. Another danger is that your grandchildren may develop without learning the social skills necessary to forge friendships.

According to psychologists, all behavior is motivated by intrinsic and extrinsic rewards. Extrinsic motivators are external forces like money and recognition, while intrinsic rewards arise from within — the satisfaction of a job well done or the value of love and friendship — and deliver the best results.

Young grandchildren require external regulation to learn right from wrong and become civilized, but unless they are internally motivated to behave, no amount of money will keep them in line at some future point in time. Sooner or later, your grandchildren must learn to get along by going along, because they want it that way. That’s what makes the world go around.

GRAND REMARK OF THE WEEK

Tommy Smith, of Kingsport, Tennessee, reports that he had a great day getting more acquainted with grandson Joey, 7, who was visiting from Texas. After they talked and played most of the day, David said Joey paid him the “supreme compliment. My grandson told me he wish he’d gotten to know me sooner.”